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Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Friday, July 13, 2012
Seven Quick Takes
Friday, June 29, 2012
7 Quick Takes
Never done this before, but I'm feeling random. K, B, R, G, and A are coming to visit for the 4th of July and following weekend. We have planned fun activities like fireworks, swimming, bonfires, and swing dancing. I think I might explode if time doesn't speed up a little! I wish someone would adopt Kurt. His special need is so mild. And he's so cute. And I know so many people who want him but can't go get him for some reason. Like me, for instance. Sigh. My friend just got a new cousin. I wish I had a baby. Biological clocks are frustrating when you aren't married and are in no condition to get married soon. (The problem with long-distance college relationships. Sigh.) I went grocery shopping tonight with J. I haven't been grocery shopping in a while. They reorganized the whole store. All the aisles are in a different order. I was rather confused. Am I doing this right? I feel like other people have more interesting randomness. Why did I start a blog? Oh yeah, self centeredness. Well, ok, specimen #45922: this post. I'm so hopelessly confused by this SCOTUS ruling. Every time I turn around I hear something different. This was obviously planned from the start. The dissent was clearly written to be the majority and only flipped at the last minute. Conservatives should cry. Conservatives should rejoice. This is good. This is bad. This is neutral and we have to see what happens. And I'm just like....uh so did they make the Cliff's Notes yet? I swear I'm not stupid, I just don't follow politics enough. Ignorant, uninformed, and irresponsible, sure. But not stupid.
For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
A Burden to Society? (On Friendship and Love)
Ellen at Love That Max recently wrote a post called My child with special needs is not a burden to society. In this post she (very rightly) combats the idea that only people who are "productive" members of society are valuable to it.
I am now playing the what-if-I-had-written-this-post game, and I must say that I think I would have written a very different post than Ellen did. Before I continue, I want to add a few disclaimers. Firstly, I am not a parent of children with special needs, or even a parent at all. So, although I don't intend to speak about parenting per se, or to say anything that's super controversial, I will, just in case, quote Clare Coffey on another subject and say "if anything I say seems presumptuous, unrealistic, or stupid, just chuckle." Disclaimer number two is that while it's going to look like I disagree with Ellen, I actually don't think I do. I think what looks like a disagreement is a semantic question, in that she and I mean different things when we say "burden". Ellen says:
When I say that something is a burden, I don't mean that the trouble it causes outweighs its benefits (I think this is Ellen's idea of what it means to be a burden). I mean simply that the thing in question causes a lot of trouble. This is roughly the sense that Merriam-Webster online gives. And in this sense, yes, beautiful, amazing Max is a burden. Every child with special needs is a burden. Every child on Reece's Rainbow is a burden. But so is every typical child. So are you. And so am I.
No one is perfect. Even those of us who are physically and cognitively "perfect" (I put the term in scare quotes because I know there's a lot of controversy surrounding the use of terms like perfect or normal and I do not intend offense; I use the word because it conveys my point) are not morally perfect. And our moral imperfections are burdens to others.
When I lose my temper and yell at my friends, it's burdensome. When I forgot my driver's license and couldn't help drive on our road trip, it was burdensome. When I have a day bad enough that my friend cancels his plans because he doesn't think leaving me alone is a good idea (yes, I know that the rain wasn't the real reason you spent the evening with me), it's burdensome.
Of course not everything I do is burdensome. I have also cancelled plans to help friends. I make pretty things. I write papers that make my professors happy. I am not a 100% burden, but a mixed bag of burdens and joys. Sometimes the balance tips one way, and sometimes the other. This is true of everyone, including children with special needs, who bring more challenges than typical children, but most of the same joys, as well as joys unique to them.
But my friends have not run an analysis and decided that, on balance, the joy I cause outweighs the burdens I cause. They are not my friends halfheartedly, putting up with the bad for the sake of the good. My friends know that I am a burden, and they accept that burden itself; gladly, even joyfully, accept it. "I love talking to you," A once said, right after he had spent about half an hour chiseling away at a black pit of my despair while I sat on his futon and cried. "Even if what you have to say might hurt me, tell me anyway because I need to know in order to love you more," K said to me early in our relationship. My friends, in short, know that I can be a burden to them, and choose to make me their burden.
Isn't that love? When you take someone who is a burden to you and choose to make him your burden? If I am a burden to you, you try to get rid of me, try to minimize the damage that I cause to you. Sure, you might be okay with having me around later, when I'm not being such a pain in the neck, but right now, I'm an obstacle to your happiness. If I am your burden, you accept me and care for me, and thereby truly love me (in the Thomistic "willing the good of another" sense of the word). (Conversely, allowing yourself to be loved means allowing yourself to become someone else's burden--admitting that you impose on others, and you need them to let you do so.)
So are children with special needs burdens to society? In the sense in which I've been using the word, sure. They make noise in places where it would be better if they were quiet. They have tantrums in stores. They are unable to do things their parents wish they could do. Typical children do these things too, and adults, while most of us outgrow throwing tantrums in stores, have their own problematic behaviors: We talk when it would be better to listen, we are short with cashiers, and now we fail to live up to our own expectations as well as our parents'. Yes, they are burdens to society, but not worse burdens than we are. And maybe we'd all be better off if we were willing to let them, and us, become society's burdens instead.
Should you argue that these [famous people] are men who contribute more to the world than my son ever will, well then I say that's an incredibly narrow-minded way of looking at life.(I encourage you to go read the whole post. It's very good, as is the blog as a whole.)
I am now playing the what-if-I-had-written-this-post game, and I must say that I think I would have written a very different post than Ellen did. Before I continue, I want to add a few disclaimers. Firstly, I am not a parent of children with special needs, or even a parent at all. So, although I don't intend to speak about parenting per se, or to say anything that's super controversial, I will, just in case, quote Clare Coffey on another subject and say "if anything I say seems presumptuous, unrealistic, or stupid, just chuckle." Disclaimer number two is that while it's going to look like I disagree with Ellen, I actually don't think I do. I think what looks like a disagreement is a semantic question, in that she and I mean different things when we say "burden". Ellen says:
Burden? My child? Expensive, yes. Demanding, yes. Emotionally draining at times, yes. "Deadweight/encumbrance/misfortune" (all synonyms for "burden"): NO.In this sense, I 100% agree, children with special needs are not burdens. But here's why I would have written a different post: when I hear someone say, "So-and-so is a burden," my gut response is not "No, he's not," but "Yeah, so what? So are you."
When I say that something is a burden, I don't mean that the trouble it causes outweighs its benefits (I think this is Ellen's idea of what it means to be a burden). I mean simply that the thing in question causes a lot of trouble. This is roughly the sense that Merriam-Webster online gives. And in this sense, yes, beautiful, amazing Max is a burden. Every child with special needs is a burden. Every child on Reece's Rainbow is a burden. But so is every typical child. So are you. And so am I.
No one is perfect. Even those of us who are physically and cognitively "perfect" (I put the term in scare quotes because I know there's a lot of controversy surrounding the use of terms like perfect or normal and I do not intend offense; I use the word because it conveys my point) are not morally perfect. And our moral imperfections are burdens to others.
When I lose my temper and yell at my friends, it's burdensome. When I forgot my driver's license and couldn't help drive on our road trip, it was burdensome. When I have a day bad enough that my friend cancels his plans because he doesn't think leaving me alone is a good idea (yes, I know that the rain wasn't the real reason you spent the evening with me), it's burdensome.
Of course not everything I do is burdensome. I have also cancelled plans to help friends. I make pretty things. I write papers that make my professors happy. I am not a 100% burden, but a mixed bag of burdens and joys. Sometimes the balance tips one way, and sometimes the other. This is true of everyone, including children with special needs, who bring more challenges than typical children, but most of the same joys, as well as joys unique to them.
But my friends have not run an analysis and decided that, on balance, the joy I cause outweighs the burdens I cause. They are not my friends halfheartedly, putting up with the bad for the sake of the good. My friends know that I am a burden, and they accept that burden itself; gladly, even joyfully, accept it. "I love talking to you," A once said, right after he had spent about half an hour chiseling away at a black pit of my despair while I sat on his futon and cried. "Even if what you have to say might hurt me, tell me anyway because I need to know in order to love you more," K said to me early in our relationship. My friends, in short, know that I can be a burden to them, and choose to make me their burden.
Isn't that love? When you take someone who is a burden to you and choose to make him your burden? If I am a burden to you, you try to get rid of me, try to minimize the damage that I cause to you. Sure, you might be okay with having me around later, when I'm not being such a pain in the neck, but right now, I'm an obstacle to your happiness. If I am your burden, you accept me and care for me, and thereby truly love me (in the Thomistic "willing the good of another" sense of the word). (Conversely, allowing yourself to be loved means allowing yourself to become someone else's burden--admitting that you impose on others, and you need them to let you do so.)
So are children with special needs burdens to society? In the sense in which I've been using the word, sure. They make noise in places where it would be better if they were quiet. They have tantrums in stores. They are unable to do things their parents wish they could do. Typical children do these things too, and adults, while most of us outgrow throwing tantrums in stores, have their own problematic behaviors: We talk when it would be better to listen, we are short with cashiers, and now we fail to live up to our own expectations as well as our parents'. Yes, they are burdens to society, but not worse burdens than we are. And maybe we'd all be better off if we were willing to let them, and us, become society's burdens instead.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Easter!
I need to post here more regularly.....
Easter was wonderful. My mother and my sisters S (my twin) and J (8yo) came up to visit. So did K. Most of my friends stayed on campus for Easter, and we had a relaxed and prayerful weekend. Not much homework was done.
My school does a really good job with Easter. We have morning prayer for the Triduum, the normal Triduum liturgies (Holy Thursday/Good Friday/Stations), Tenebrae, Easter Vigil (with 7 OT readings), and four Easter Sunday Masses. The regular Sunday evening Vespers are especially solemn on Easter. Our main church has several choirs, which are really good, and the liturgical style is very solemn, respectful, and prayerful. I spent a lot of time in church this weekend (6.5 hours in church or church-related things on Friday alone :o). At the last minute K was able to stay for the Easter Vigil--his first ever!
This was a socially and spiritually productive weekend for me. My family got to know my friends a bit better, and got to meet K for the first time. (Verdict: Mutual like and desire to get to know better. Yay!) I got to know K better and spend time with him. (I do not think I get to do this enough. Stupid four hours.) And I think I grew in faith.
It's interesting to me how my relationships teach me about God. This weekend this was most clear in the cases of J and K. I was sitting next to J thinking about how much I loved her, and it occurred to me that if I, an imperfect creature, can love someone this much despite her imperfection, then God, Who is perfect love, must be able to love me too. Obvious? Probably, but this idea that God loves me does not come naturally to me. As for K, the fact that he's mine when I have done nothing to deserve him makes it easier to believe in grace. How do religions where God isn't a person make themselves believable?
Easter was wonderful. My mother and my sisters S (my twin) and J (8yo) came up to visit. So did K. Most of my friends stayed on campus for Easter, and we had a relaxed and prayerful weekend. Not much homework was done.
My school does a really good job with Easter. We have morning prayer for the Triduum, the normal Triduum liturgies (Holy Thursday/Good Friday/Stations), Tenebrae, Easter Vigil (with 7 OT readings), and four Easter Sunday Masses. The regular Sunday evening Vespers are especially solemn on Easter. Our main church has several choirs, which are really good, and the liturgical style is very solemn, respectful, and prayerful. I spent a lot of time in church this weekend (6.5 hours in church or church-related things on Friday alone :o). At the last minute K was able to stay for the Easter Vigil--his first ever!
This was a socially and spiritually productive weekend for me. My family got to know my friends a bit better, and got to meet K for the first time. (Verdict: Mutual like and desire to get to know better. Yay!) I got to know K better and spend time with him. (I do not think I get to do this enough. Stupid four hours.) And I think I grew in faith.
It's interesting to me how my relationships teach me about God. This weekend this was most clear in the cases of J and K. I was sitting next to J thinking about how much I loved her, and it occurred to me that if I, an imperfect creature, can love someone this much despite her imperfection, then God, Who is perfect love, must be able to love me too. Obvious? Probably, but this idea that God loves me does not come naturally to me. As for K, the fact that he's mine when I have done nothing to deserve him makes it easier to believe in grace. How do religions where God isn't a person make themselves believable?
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Spring break
My spring break was awesome. It was not relaxing. We spent a lot of time in the car (over the course of the week, we drove over 2000 miles), a lot of time walking around, and not a lot of time sleeping. But it strengthened friendships. We got to know each other's families (well, mine, B's, P's, and A's). We shared problems. We helped each other out. It was crazy and wonderful. And I am so tired and I have so much homework and I wouldn't change break if I could.
Well, that's not technically true--one thing I would change. I got overtired and stressed out and was pretty uncharitable towards some people, including A, whose head I bit off for basically no reason several times. I feel terrible about this. Charity is something I have a serious deficit in. And it really doesn't make me feel any better how willing A is to forgive me all the time. Sigh.
Random thing: I'm having a major crisis (as in what to study). I am realizing that I am never going to do anything with philosophy and theology and seriously considering working in therapy. So maybe I should be in the psychology major. I have to go talk to the Career Center on campus here and see what they say. Pray for me!
Well, that's not technically true--one thing I would change. I got overtired and stressed out and was pretty uncharitable towards some people, including A, whose head I bit off for basically no reason several times. I feel terrible about this. Charity is something I have a serious deficit in. And it really doesn't make me feel any better how willing A is to forgive me all the time. Sigh.
Random thing: I'm having a major crisis (as in what to study). I am realizing that I am never going to do anything with philosophy and theology and seriously considering working in therapy. So maybe I should be in the psychology major. I have to go talk to the Career Center on campus here and see what they say. Pray for me!
Friday, March 9, 2012
On Life
Sorry for the lack of posting. It's midterms week! I'm taking a break from writing my final midterm, a logic takehome, to post this because I don't think I'll get a chance to post over the next week.
This logic midterm is stretching my brain in a good way. It doesn't have very much to do with what we're doing in class, and requires a lot of thinking about stuff that's essentially new. My modern philosophy midterm, also a takehome, was kind of fun to write, but not nearly as intellectually exciting. Psych and Greek were not fun or exciting to study for or to take. I got a 92 on Greek, we'll see what happens with psych.
My friends and I are going on a road trip over spring break. We're hitting up A's house, P's house, B's house, and my house. I'm really looking forward to it, but also somewhat worried because I'm going into it sleep deprived. I am pretty introverted and need some time to myself every now and then, and if I don't get that over this trip, which I'm not sure I'm going to, I'm going to lose my mind somewhere around Monday. My friends tend to assume that I'm withdrawing because I'm not okay, though, and then they come talk to me. I may just have to say look guys, I am okay at the moment but if you don't give me some space I will soon not be. Another sad thing is that I'll probably have less time than I do now to talk to K.
K is an awesome boyfriend. We have skyped for almost eight hours over the course of the last five days (I know, I know), and he's writing me a letter. We always end our Skype sessions with a prayer (except once when we forgot). K makes these prayers up on the spot and they kind of make me want to cry because he always thanks God for me. His faith is just so amazing. He makes me want to be closer to God. He also got me to clean up my room. All around a great guy.
This logic midterm is stretching my brain in a good way. It doesn't have very much to do with what we're doing in class, and requires a lot of thinking about stuff that's essentially new. My modern philosophy midterm, also a takehome, was kind of fun to write, but not nearly as intellectually exciting. Psych and Greek were not fun or exciting to study for or to take. I got a 92 on Greek, we'll see what happens with psych.
My friends and I are going on a road trip over spring break. We're hitting up A's house, P's house, B's house, and my house. I'm really looking forward to it, but also somewhat worried because I'm going into it sleep deprived. I am pretty introverted and need some time to myself every now and then, and if I don't get that over this trip, which I'm not sure I'm going to, I'm going to lose my mind somewhere around Monday. My friends tend to assume that I'm withdrawing because I'm not okay, though, and then they come talk to me. I may just have to say look guys, I am okay at the moment but if you don't give me some space I will soon not be. Another sad thing is that I'll probably have less time than I do now to talk to K.
K is an awesome boyfriend. We have skyped for almost eight hours over the course of the last five days (I know, I know), and he's writing me a letter. We always end our Skype sessions with a prayer (except once when we forgot). K makes these prayers up on the spot and they kind of make me want to cry because he always thanks God for me. His faith is just so amazing. He makes me want to be closer to God. He also got me to clean up my room. All around a great guy.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Good news and bad news
Bad news: I'm under self-observation for possibly developing bipolar disorder. My school's counseling center offers 15-minute, low-key walk-ins with psychologists for people who have quick questions or one-time problems and don't want to go through the whole intake process to get therapy. I went to talk to a psychologist about my crazy weekend. (The whole episode, by the way, wound up lasting about 48 hours, with the worst part lasting about 24.) He agreed with me that it was hypomania, and asked about a family history of bipolar disorder or depression. And yes, I have a family history of both on both sides. So I've been instructed not to worry about it for now (yeah right), and not to jump to a diagnosis, but if anything like this happens again, to go to the counseling center. Hopefully this was a one-off thing; but the psychologist said he hadn't heard of hypomania happening without a cause. I'm pretty freaked out by this, obviously. Ever since I was little, I have been scared of going crazy. At least I have good friends and a supportive family. Prayers would be appreciated.
Good news: K and I have been texting every day. Yesterday he called me because he had a funny story to tell me that wouldn't fit into a text message. I was watching a movie with friends, but I said he could call me. And we wound up talking for 2.5 hours! The only reason we even stopped then was that his phone battery was dying. (I think I may have gone over my cell phone minutes this month. Oops. Hopefully it's not too expensive.) We talked about a lot of stuff, including some decently personal stuff (life aspirations, etc.). And he said he'd call me tomorrow! (That is, today.) I texted him to say let's skype instead, and he agreed. I'll be going to Mass at 4:30, then dinner, then Vespers at church. After that I think my whole evening's free, so hopefully that works for him. B and R also get back from R's house tonight, so I may spend time with them.
Good news: K and I have been texting every day. Yesterday he called me because he had a funny story to tell me that wouldn't fit into a text message. I was watching a movie with friends, but I said he could call me. And we wound up talking for 2.5 hours! The only reason we even stopped then was that his phone battery was dying. (I think I may have gone over my cell phone minutes this month. Oops. Hopefully it's not too expensive.) We talked about a lot of stuff, including some decently personal stuff (life aspirations, etc.). And he said he'd call me tomorrow! (That is, today.) I texted him to say let's skype instead, and he agreed. I'll be going to Mass at 4:30, then dinner, then Vespers at church. After that I think my whole evening's free, so hopefully that works for him. B and R also get back from R's house tonight, so I may spend time with them.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
I probably shouldn't post this....
It's almost certainly premature to post this, but no one I know reads this blog (because no one reads this blog), so I'll throw it out there. Yesterday R's friend K from high school came to visit her at college overnight. A little backstory: I was the initial catalyst for B and R getting to know each other and an enzyme in their starting dating. (I hope I'm getting my chemistry metaphors right....I introduced them and encouraged him to ask her out when it was clear they liked each other.) This was shortly after I broke up with my long-term boyfriend J. R and B decided that in return for setting them up, they should set me up. But they couldn't think of a guy. R thought K would be a good option, except that he and I go to college four hours apart, live 600 miles apart, and are both very down on the idea of long-distance relationships generally due to the fact that we both had recent bad experiences in which distance was a factor. So R said that if K and I were still single when we graduated, she was going to try to set us up.
Weeellllllll.......so K came to visit.
We (me, B, R, A, P, and K) played cards (I won), had a piggyback kicking battle (first person to fall off loses. K and I lost. Twice.), and watched The Sound of Music. K and I really hit it off. There was some serious chemistry. Touching, laughing, eye contact. I think he's awesome, I think he's cute, I think he's a great guy, and I really want to get to know him more. I'm rather obsessed. And he likes me too, R and B say.
This is new to me. I've never liked a guy I didn't already know before. I had a long honest conversation with R and B about his and my strengths and failings. I think in a lot of ways, we'd be good for each other. That said, this is nowhere near settled. We are both very skeptical/anti-distance. We don't know each other all that well. We haven't talked about this. (He did give me his number.) Who knows what will happen? But oh geez, he and I hit it off like I have never hit it off with any guy before.
Weeellllllll.......so K came to visit.
We (me, B, R, A, P, and K) played cards (I won), had a piggyback kicking battle (first person to fall off loses. K and I lost. Twice.), and watched The Sound of Music. K and I really hit it off. There was some serious chemistry. Touching, laughing, eye contact. I think he's awesome, I think he's cute, I think he's a great guy, and I really want to get to know him more. I'm rather obsessed. And he likes me too, R and B say.
This is new to me. I've never liked a guy I didn't already know before. I had a long honest conversation with R and B about his and my strengths and failings. I think in a lot of ways, we'd be good for each other. That said, this is nowhere near settled. We are both very skeptical/anti-distance. We don't know each other all that well. We haven't talked about this. (He did give me his number.) Who knows what will happen? But oh geez, he and I hit it off like I have never hit it off with any guy before.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Two days in a row, it's a record!
Is it actually a record? It might be.
My fast yesterday went well up until about 9pm, when I started feeling sick. I think part of the issue was dehydration. I don't have good thirst signals, so I wasn't feeling thirsty. I usually drink water at lunch and dinner, but of course I wasn't in the dining hall. I was aware of this as an issue and had been trying to remember to drink water during the day, but I guess I didn't do a good enough job. Anyway, at about 9:15 I fell asleep on A's futon. I woke up again at about 9:45, just in time to go to 10pm Mass in the dorm next door. I was feeling sick to my stomach and dizzy and I had a headache, but I went anyway. I was hoping Mass would make me feel better, but it didn't. I actually left right before Communion because I thought I was going to throw up. (I didn't, as it turned out.) So I missed Communion. :( After Mass I went back to A's room to get my backpack and went to bed, delaying only long enough to say Compline and email the people I'm supposed to volunteer with on Thursday morning and tell them I was sick.
So this morning I woke up at about 10 and ate two cheese sticks even before getting dressed. I still feel somewhat sick (and I have a bit of a headache) but it's been much better today. I think I'm still somewhat undernourished.
My other resolutions have had mixed results. I didn't do my Bible or my rosary yesterday, although I think I might have if I hadn't been feeling so terrible after Mass. I have been doing fairly well on the charity towards B. (I was starting to get annoyed with him at one point, so I put my head down on my desk and prayed for him. I will have to remember this strategy.) Dessert is going fine, but it's not far enough in to have become a struggle yet. As soon as this blog post is done, I'll say Vespers and my rosary and read the Bible. (Then I have to do homework, and say Compline, and then go to Mass, and then meet my friends to plan spring break's road trip....)
We had our third theology club organizing meeting today and dang are we organized. We have a monthly schedule and most of our details worked out, and the next step seems to be to meet with the organization that approves clubs and become official. Afterwards I had a delightful dinner with one of the other guys organizing. (B and R saw me and thought I was on a date....don't they know I would have told them if I had been asked on a date??) We were talking about life plans, so I told him about a special needs orphanage in China that takes US volunteers that I'd love to go work with. This guy has two sisters with Down's Syndrome....talk about coincidences!
My fast yesterday went well up until about 9pm, when I started feeling sick. I think part of the issue was dehydration. I don't have good thirst signals, so I wasn't feeling thirsty. I usually drink water at lunch and dinner, but of course I wasn't in the dining hall. I was aware of this as an issue and had been trying to remember to drink water during the day, but I guess I didn't do a good enough job. Anyway, at about 9:15 I fell asleep on A's futon. I woke up again at about 9:45, just in time to go to 10pm Mass in the dorm next door. I was feeling sick to my stomach and dizzy and I had a headache, but I went anyway. I was hoping Mass would make me feel better, but it didn't. I actually left right before Communion because I thought I was going to throw up. (I didn't, as it turned out.) So I missed Communion. :( After Mass I went back to A's room to get my backpack and went to bed, delaying only long enough to say Compline and email the people I'm supposed to volunteer with on Thursday morning and tell them I was sick.
So this morning I woke up at about 10 and ate two cheese sticks even before getting dressed. I still feel somewhat sick (and I have a bit of a headache) but it's been much better today. I think I'm still somewhat undernourished.
My other resolutions have had mixed results. I didn't do my Bible or my rosary yesterday, although I think I might have if I hadn't been feeling so terrible after Mass. I have been doing fairly well on the charity towards B. (I was starting to get annoyed with him at one point, so I put my head down on my desk and prayed for him. I will have to remember this strategy.) Dessert is going fine, but it's not far enough in to have become a struggle yet. As soon as this blog post is done, I'll say Vespers and my rosary and read the Bible. (Then I have to do homework, and say Compline, and then go to Mass, and then meet my friends to plan spring break's road trip....)
We had our third theology club organizing meeting today and dang are we organized. We have a monthly schedule and most of our details worked out, and the next step seems to be to meet with the organization that approves clubs and become official. Afterwards I had a delightful dinner with one of the other guys organizing. (B and R saw me and thought I was on a date....don't they know I would have told them if I had been asked on a date??) We were talking about life plans, so I told him about a special needs orphanage in China that takes US volunteers that I'd love to go work with. This guy has two sisters with Down's Syndrome....talk about coincidences!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
I'm not so good at this blogging regularly thing....
Today is A's birthday, so we had a party for him yesterday. For some reason, I've become the unofficial cake-baker in our group of friends. I compromise on my moral values by buying cake mixes, because come on, I'm in a dorm. I'm not happy about this really, but the campus store does not have a good supply of baking ingredients. (I know this because I once made Valentine's Day cookies from scratch. Yeah....)
This year our kitchen has been restocked with things like cake pans, spoons, and mixing bowls. In an attempt to keep these things from being stolen, they live in a locked cabinet. There is one key to this cabinet, and a girl in the dorm has it. Unfortunately, at the time that I went to get it, she was gone. So I couldn't get at the cake pan. Luckily, someone had left the cupcake trays in the drying rack. Now I hate cupcakes for birthday parties. They are, in my opinion, too individualistic. The whole point of a birthday cake is that you share it. With cupcakes, everybody takes their own and you lose all the communality. (As A put it, "They're so American.") Am I overthinking this? Probably. Anyway, I did make them, against my better judgment. Cupcakes from a cake mix. What happened to my morals?
A's party was fun. We watched Les Mis and listened to music. His presents were a set of picture books that we had written for him and a parody video of Friday that some of the others in the group made. He thought they were hilarious. (They were.)
One of the priests in A and P's dorm gives homilies that I really like. I'm considering asking him to be my spiritual director. The only thing that makes me hesitate is that A doesn't think Father V would be very good at dealing with a crying girl, and that is going to happen at some time or other. A suggested having him hear my confession, so that will probably be step one. Also then I guess we can see how he handles crying, because apparently this priest is good at asking the questions that you don't want to hear.
Speaking of which, I had an upsetting dream last night in which I got into an argument with R that developed into one with B. It wasn't even that big of a deal originally, just us harassing each other a bit and then it got out of hand, with me telling him not to do something to one of my things, which he then did deliberately, at which point I punched him and ran away (leaving behind coat, keys, ID, and phone). In the dream it was snowing and I ran around to the other side of one of our campus lakes, to where there is a crucifix on a hill. I sat down in the snow and cried, and then I woke up angry and upset. I don't believe that dreams tell the future, but I do believe that mine provide insight to current stresses in my life, and I do have some B-related issues that I need to work through. And yes, R is (indirectly) the cause of some of them.
Keep praying for Kurt! Someone has donated $5.00 to him--thank you so much!
This year our kitchen has been restocked with things like cake pans, spoons, and mixing bowls. In an attempt to keep these things from being stolen, they live in a locked cabinet. There is one key to this cabinet, and a girl in the dorm has it. Unfortunately, at the time that I went to get it, she was gone. So I couldn't get at the cake pan. Luckily, someone had left the cupcake trays in the drying rack. Now I hate cupcakes for birthday parties. They are, in my opinion, too individualistic. The whole point of a birthday cake is that you share it. With cupcakes, everybody takes their own and you lose all the communality. (As A put it, "They're so American.") Am I overthinking this? Probably. Anyway, I did make them, against my better judgment. Cupcakes from a cake mix. What happened to my morals?
A's party was fun. We watched Les Mis and listened to music. His presents were a set of picture books that we had written for him and a parody video of Friday that some of the others in the group made. He thought they were hilarious. (They were.)
One of the priests in A and P's dorm gives homilies that I really like. I'm considering asking him to be my spiritual director. The only thing that makes me hesitate is that A doesn't think Father V would be very good at dealing with a crying girl, and that is going to happen at some time or other. A suggested having him hear my confession, so that will probably be step one. Also then I guess we can see how he handles crying, because apparently this priest is good at asking the questions that you don't want to hear.
Speaking of which, I had an upsetting dream last night in which I got into an argument with R that developed into one with B. It wasn't even that big of a deal originally, just us harassing each other a bit and then it got out of hand, with me telling him not to do something to one of my things, which he then did deliberately, at which point I punched him and ran away (leaving behind coat, keys, ID, and phone). In the dream it was snowing and I ran around to the other side of one of our campus lakes, to where there is a crucifix on a hill. I sat down in the snow and cried, and then I woke up angry and upset. I don't believe that dreams tell the future, but I do believe that mine provide insight to current stresses in my life, and I do have some B-related issues that I need to work through. And yes, R is (indirectly) the cause of some of them.
Keep praying for Kurt! Someone has donated $5.00 to him--thank you so much!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Today has not been a good day
I have been feeling angry and irritable all day for no reason. This has been happening more than I would like recently, and I am thinking it may be a sign of depression coming back. The reason why I hesitate to say this is because the sun has been shining more than usual over the past week, which usually correlates to a better mood for me. I also haven't been having anxiety problems, which is usually a more reliable way for me to track depression than depression symptoms themselves, which (in my opinion) are more subtle. On the other hand, I've had to take a 2.5 week break from running due to a hip injury. So maybe those balance out. Anyway, something to keep an eye on--I really hate feeling this way and would like to nail down and eliminate the cause.
I was going to do homework with friends with the super bowl on in the background, but plans fell through. So I was going to do homework alone (I have a paper due this week on top of my normal workload), but so far I have done nothing since dinner. Go Patriots, I guess, since I have family from New England. Can you tell how much of a football fan I am? (I have never watched a super bowl.)
About my hip: I've been having pain in my right hip joint/groin since about the middle of Christmas break. I was initially diagnosed with a hip strain by university health services, but after two weeks of rest and naproxen (an NSAID) didn't fix it, they are looking for another answer. It appears to be something muscular rather than structural (pressure hurts), so they scheduled an ultrasound for Thursday. The good news is that since running didn't seem to bring on pain, and stopping running didn't help much, I have official doctor go-ahead to run. So I went running this evening, only for 20 minutes, but still. I went a little over two miles, which is a decent pace for me (I know I'm slow). In terms of long-term running goals, I think the half-marathon I was planning to run at the end of March is out of the question at this point. So maybe I'll run the 10k they have at the same event.
Lastly, more good news:
I've officially been matched with a child to pray for on Reece's Rainbow! Reece's Rainbow is an organization that helps to facilitate international adoption of children with special needs (with a focus on Down Syndrome). One of the ways to help, if you can't adopt or donate money, is to offer to pray specifically for one child every day. I emailed them, and they gave me Kurt. He's four and a half, and he has mild CP. That's him on the left. Isn't he cute? I kind of want him to be mine, but of course hope that he has a family by the time I'm old enough to have any children of my own.
Well, I need to go take a shower and then work on my philosophy paper. It's about Descartes, whom I happen to dislike very much. :/
I was going to do homework with friends with the super bowl on in the background, but plans fell through. So I was going to do homework alone (I have a paper due this week on top of my normal workload), but so far I have done nothing since dinner. Go Patriots, I guess, since I have family from New England. Can you tell how much of a football fan I am? (I have never watched a super bowl.)
About my hip: I've been having pain in my right hip joint/groin since about the middle of Christmas break. I was initially diagnosed with a hip strain by university health services, but after two weeks of rest and naproxen (an NSAID) didn't fix it, they are looking for another answer. It appears to be something muscular rather than structural (pressure hurts), so they scheduled an ultrasound for Thursday. The good news is that since running didn't seem to bring on pain, and stopping running didn't help much, I have official doctor go-ahead to run. So I went running this evening, only for 20 minutes, but still. I went a little over two miles, which is a decent pace for me (I know I'm slow). In terms of long-term running goals, I think the half-marathon I was planning to run at the end of March is out of the question at this point. So maybe I'll run the 10k they have at the same event.
Lastly, more good news:
I've officially been matched with a child to pray for on Reece's Rainbow! Reece's Rainbow is an organization that helps to facilitate international adoption of children with special needs (with a focus on Down Syndrome). One of the ways to help, if you can't adopt or donate money, is to offer to pray specifically for one child every day. I emailed them, and they gave me Kurt. He's four and a half, and he has mild CP. That's him on the left. Isn't he cute? I kind of want him to be mine, but of course hope that he has a family by the time I'm old enough to have any children of my own.Well, I need to go take a shower and then work on my philosophy paper. It's about Descartes, whom I happen to dislike very much. :/
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
More about the blog title, and some of my life
"Sleeping under God's wings," as I mentioned, is from an antiphon of Compline (night prayer). The complete antiphon is "Night holds no terrors for me sleeping under God's wings." I like metaphors and analogies, so night for me means anything that frightens me. And there are a lot of things that frighten me. But as long as I remain sleeping under God's wings, I'll be okay. It's a reminder of a promise. I especially like to think about how much this means when you live in a time and place without cities and sturdy houses. If all you have protecting you from wolves is a tent, night must be much scarier--but not if you are under God's wings.
"Prone to wander" is from the hymn Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. One of the verses of this song goes, "O to grace how great a debtor / Daily I’m constrained to be! / Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, / Bind my wandering heart to Thee. / Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, / Prone to leave the God I love; / Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, / Seal it for Thy courts above." I identify strongly with the simultaneous contradictory feelings of wanting to stay and tending to leave (primarily in religious matters, but also in social ones). I would like it if God would just take my heart and seal it so I am never tempted to leave, but I know that the way in which He does that, unfortunately, is by offering me opportunities to choose to stay. This hymn is also where my screen name comes from. (It has the added benefit of being something I don't use anywhere else, so I can remain anonymous until I choose to do otherwise.)
Sorry for not posting sooner. I had intended to post every day, but I think that's a pretty unrealistic goal, to be honest. I tend to have busy stretches and lulls. Also my life just isn't that exciting.
These last few days have been fun though. The weather's been pretty good (it's sad when 35 and partly cloudy is a nice day!), which has had a positive effect on my mood. Yesterday I did no homework at all and skipped the daily Mass I had planned on going to. Instead I watched the pilot episode of Smash (anyone seen that? It looks like it will be a good show) and Chicago (the movie) with my good friends A and P and another friend of ours (also A, but that's too confusing, and I doubt he'll be a regular character in this blog). Somewhat irresponsible, yes, but overall I think a good choice; I needed the break, and I did the homework the next morning. Today the theology department had a "vigil for Groundhog's Day/Presentation of the Lord" party (really just an excuse to get together for Mass and ice cream). My friend (and next year's roommate!) R went with me. It was fun, but I've eaten too much sugar today so I feel kind of sick and cranky. I need to keep a lid on my sugar consumption--I have a sweet tooth, but I really think that more than the occasional dessert affects my mood negatively. (Speaking of which, in developmental psychology we talked about how depression during pregnancy can negatively affect the baby...something to look forward to!)
"Prone to wander" is from the hymn Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. One of the verses of this song goes, "O to grace how great a debtor / Daily I’m constrained to be! / Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, / Bind my wandering heart to Thee. / Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, / Prone to leave the God I love; / Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, / Seal it for Thy courts above." I identify strongly with the simultaneous contradictory feelings of wanting to stay and tending to leave (primarily in religious matters, but also in social ones). I would like it if God would just take my heart and seal it so I am never tempted to leave, but I know that the way in which He does that, unfortunately, is by offering me opportunities to choose to stay. This hymn is also where my screen name comes from. (It has the added benefit of being something I don't use anywhere else, so I can remain anonymous until I choose to do otherwise.)
Sorry for not posting sooner. I had intended to post every day, but I think that's a pretty unrealistic goal, to be honest. I tend to have busy stretches and lulls. Also my life just isn't that exciting.
These last few days have been fun though. The weather's been pretty good (it's sad when 35 and partly cloudy is a nice day!), which has had a positive effect on my mood. Yesterday I did no homework at all and skipped the daily Mass I had planned on going to. Instead I watched the pilot episode of Smash (anyone seen that? It looks like it will be a good show) and Chicago (the movie) with my good friends A and P and another friend of ours (also A, but that's too confusing, and I doubt he'll be a regular character in this blog). Somewhat irresponsible, yes, but overall I think a good choice; I needed the break, and I did the homework the next morning. Today the theology department had a "vigil for Groundhog's Day/Presentation of the Lord" party (really just an excuse to get together for Mass and ice cream). My friend (and next year's roommate!) R went with me. It was fun, but I've eaten too much sugar today so I feel kind of sick and cranky. I need to keep a lid on my sugar consumption--I have a sweet tooth, but I really think that more than the occasional dessert affects my mood negatively. (Speaking of which, in developmental psychology we talked about how depression during pregnancy can negatively affect the baby...something to look forward to!)
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