Monday, March 26, 2012

K came to visit me!

K was here this weekend. We had a lot of fun hanging out. Church, confession, hanging out, walking around the lakes, staying up too late, making dinner, watching movies. Neither of us did much homework, which is why I'm still up at 2 now.

I'm researching for a paper on reactive attachment disorder. The more I learn about attachment the more I realize that this is an issue I struggle with. Potential senior thesis topic: Relationship between attachment and faith. No idea how this would be done, but it would be super interesting. Hmm.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Spring break

My spring break was awesome. It was not relaxing. We spent a lot of time in the car (over the course of the week, we drove over 2000 miles), a lot of time walking around, and not a lot of time sleeping. But it strengthened friendships. We got to know each other's families (well, mine, B's, P's, and A's). We shared problems. We helped each other out. It was crazy and wonderful. And I am so tired and I have so much homework and I wouldn't change break if I could.

Well, that's not technically true--one thing I would change. I got overtired and stressed out and was pretty uncharitable towards some people, including A, whose head I bit off for basically no reason several times. I feel terrible about this. Charity is something I have a serious deficit in. And it really doesn't make me feel any better how willing A is to forgive me all the time. Sigh.

Random thing: I'm having a major crisis (as in what to study). I am realizing that I am never going to do anything with philosophy and theology and seriously considering working in therapy. So maybe I should be in the psychology major. I have to go talk to the Career Center on campus here and see what they say. Pray for me!

Friday, March 9, 2012

On Life

Sorry for the lack of posting. It's midterms week! I'm taking a break from writing my final midterm, a logic takehome, to post this because I don't think I'll get a chance to post over the next week.

This logic midterm is stretching my brain in a good way. It doesn't have very much to do with what we're doing in class, and requires a lot of thinking about stuff that's essentially new. My modern philosophy midterm, also a takehome, was kind of fun to write, but not nearly as intellectually exciting. Psych and Greek were not fun or exciting to study for or to take. I got a 92 on Greek, we'll see what happens with psych.

My friends and I are going on a road trip over spring break. We're hitting up A's house, P's house, B's house, and my house. I'm really looking forward to it, but also somewhat worried because I'm going into it sleep deprived. I am pretty introverted and need some time to myself every now and then, and if I don't get that over this trip, which I'm not sure I'm going to, I'm going to lose my mind somewhere around Monday. My friends tend to assume that I'm withdrawing because I'm not okay, though, and then they come talk to me. I may just have to say look guys, I am okay at the moment but if you don't give me some space I will soon not be. Another sad thing is that I'll probably have less time than I do now to talk to K.

K is an awesome boyfriend. We have skyped for almost eight hours over the course of the last five days (I know, I know), and he's writing me a letter. We always end our Skype sessions with a prayer (except once when we forgot). K makes these prayers up on the spot and they kind of make me want to cry because he always thanks God for me. His faith is just so amazing. He makes me want to be closer to God. He also got me to clean up my room. All around a great guy.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Good news and bad news

Bad news: I'm under self-observation for possibly developing bipolar disorder. My school's counseling center offers 15-minute, low-key walk-ins with psychologists for people who have quick questions or one-time problems and don't want to go through the whole intake process to get therapy. I went to talk to a psychologist about my crazy weekend. (The whole episode, by the way, wound up lasting about 48 hours, with the worst part lasting about 24.) He agreed with me that it was hypomania, and asked about a family history of bipolar disorder or depression. And yes, I have a family history of both on both sides. So I've been instructed not to worry about it for now (yeah right), and not to jump to a diagnosis, but if anything like this happens again, to go to the counseling center. Hopefully this was a one-off thing; but the psychologist said he hadn't heard of hypomania happening without a cause. I'm pretty freaked out by this, obviously. Ever since I was little, I have been scared of going crazy. At least I have good friends and a supportive family. Prayers would be appreciated.
Good news: K and I have been texting every day. Yesterday he called me because he had a funny story to tell me that wouldn't fit into a text message. I was watching a movie with friends, but I said he could call me. And we wound up talking for 2.5 hours! The only reason we even stopped then was that his phone battery was dying. (I think I may have gone over my cell phone minutes this month. Oops. Hopefully it's not too expensive.) We talked about a lot of stuff, including some decently personal stuff (life aspirations, etc.). And he said he'd call me tomorrow! (That is, today.) I texted him to say let's skype instead, and he agreed. I'll be going to Mass at 4:30, then dinner, then Vespers at church. After that I think my whole evening's free, so hopefully that works for him. B and R also get back from R's house tonight, so I may spend time with them.